I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
