And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
