Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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