i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
