i already hear my dad disowning me
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
