why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
babies were throwing up all over the place
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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