yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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