she was so not down for the gang bang
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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