You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
