this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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