Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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