kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
