sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
