So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
