So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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