My underwear smells like fireworks.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
