Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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