Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
