2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
wow bdsm is so cute
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
