my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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