I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
