wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
