Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
