why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Let's paint friendship bongs
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
