Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
