I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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