i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
