FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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