Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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