does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
