Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
