Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
