Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
