how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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