I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
