Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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