make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
