She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
