omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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