My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
