Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
