The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Green mimosas i think yes
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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