She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I need a beard to bite.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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