Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Randomize
