We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
