Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think my moral compass just broke
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