Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
