So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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