:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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