remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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